Thoughts on Motherhood

Something has been on my mind lately. With Phil going back to school, I find myself envious of this opportunity that he has. I've wanted to go back to school to pursue a Masters Degree in Education for quite sometime, but it never seems to be the right time. Motherhood has taken over! I can get lost in changing diapers, breaking up little squabbles, folding laundry, doing dishes...the list goes on. Foolish thoughts creep into my head at times. "Is THIS all there is? What about ME?"

Last night we had a college group visit our church. The young people sang and gave beautiful testimonies from their hearts. They truly love the Lord and want to serve Him with all their hearts. They all had such a passion for the Lord Jesus. As I sat there listening to them, I thought to myself, "I want my own children to grow up loving the Lord like this!" I know that only the Lord can make them who they are going to be, so I pray for them daily. The one thing that won't help accomplish this is for them to have a selfish mother. Elisabeth Elliot's devotional today was just what I needed (there's a link to it on my blog). I must be emptied of "self"--leaving myself behind to be a faithful follower of Christ (Philippians 2; Matthew 16:24). She calls this "dying to self." This is hard for me to do. Sometimes I want more out of life. Sometimes I actually think that I deserve more.

As I type this 3 of my 4 children are fussing--2 are actually pulling on my clothes! Would I rather be sitting in a classroom pursing a degree? Honestly, yes! But it starts here. Every little sacrifice of "self" is an opportunity for me to show my children the love of Jesus--a love that led Him to sacrifice His own life for me.